Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
