Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize