i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
