Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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