tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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