i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
