i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
