they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
