How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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