oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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