for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
