Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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