tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
