once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
