question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Who died my cat blue again?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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