How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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