I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
