**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
