btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Randomize
