Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
