Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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