He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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