I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
