Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
