And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
