the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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