uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
