You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
