and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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