operation harelip BJ is a go
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
