seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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