She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
She's the barista slut.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
