the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
