God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just found a bag of teeth...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
