The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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