I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
