Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
