5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
