don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
