Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
