and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
