so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Randomize
