no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
