i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
