Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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