Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
