i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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