Say something about gay babies.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
