I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
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