I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
