can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
