I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
