I puked a lego.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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