my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize