Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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