I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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