guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
