I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
