I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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