"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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