Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
