Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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