Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
