i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
