the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
