just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
