I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
