I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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