Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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