a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
