i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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