Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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