i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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